Now as we discussed this, a friend of mine in the Bible study brought up a valid point:  Of course, it would be ideal for us all to lay down our lives for someone we love.   However, in a moment when the time comes, it is honestly a very tough instinct to uphold.  I think we as humans are flawed with selfishness and conceit, and no matter how hard we try to deny or suppress it, that monster can sometimes take hold, even if we decide beforehand to not let it.  It is somewhat of a romantic ideal, a scene replayed in slow motion, to sacrifice you life for someone else.

Now, my intentions are not to belittle the sacrifice made by patriots for their country or anyone who has given their life for someone else, but honestly, it is tough, and when staring in the face, I think we would truly be standing on the line, and little we say now can decide what will happen at that moment for us.  That said, I also believe that at the heart of the matter, true love will show its face in the form of sacrifice if it is called upon.  I just point out that just because we say so now does not make it true for that time.

However, I think there is more to the verse than just the literal, obvious meaning.  As I pondered, I realized that life is not just “all or nothing.”  As in many matters, things appear in a gradient and not just in black and white.  Our lives are not just objects we pass around.  Our lives are the days we spend on this earth performing the actions we do everyday.  Life is how we spend our time.

When verse thirteen says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends,” it does not necessarily just mean dying for another person (although it could).  If we apply the other view of life with the verse, we get a different idea.  It definitely means sacrifice.  It means giving up what we normally do with our time in order to use the time to help someone else.  The very essence of this sacrifice is placing another person’s priorities above our own.

The blood of our lives is the precious time we have.  I think that is one of the most valuable things we possess.  We only get a limited amount, and how we use it is critical.  If we spend the time to help someone else, that is essentially one of the greatest sacrifices we can give.

Anyway, looking back on this year, I realize that it’s been crazy.  So much has happened.  Every new year, most people create their new year’s resolutions.  Although I do not really come up with a very concrete list things for the new year, I do usually have some goals, however abstract.

I hear most people say things like, “This past year has been great; hopefully the next will be better.”  I am not going to lie.  For me, this past year has been filled with failures and disappointment.  I have many regrets and things I wish I could do over.  But what can I do?  After looking back many times and tearing myself up, I can only keep moving forward.  Perhaps it’s a bit cliché, but really, it’s all I can do.

However, intertwined in my regrets are many fond memories.  Old friends, new friends, old experiences, new experiences, so much has changed, especially with the transition into college.  Right now, I truly am blind as to what the future holds.  It is a bit frightening approaching life this way, but I suppose that is how I must live it for the time being.  Hopefully something good will come out of all this.

I hope I can do something this new year.  I hope I can become someone worth becoming.  I hope I can change the world in some small way at least.  I hope I can touch someone’s life.  I hope I can live a life that is pleasing to God.  I hope I can be who I am supposed to be.  But all this must start with a year, a week, a day, only a small moment.  That is where it begins.

I just hope that I will not let the world pass me by as I stand watching complacently on the sidewalk.  Many times this past year, I have felt like this, and it has frightened me.  One of my worst fears is leaving this world without having done something, anything.

Some might just dismiss this as blissful ignorance, but this is my driving force, the fuel for my passion.  I watched The Blind Side today, and it has called me to action.  It is an incredible story.  Is this just another thing that will eventually die off?  Maybe.  But I hope I remember it.

A  new year.  A new day.  A brand new chance for something great.  I hope we all take advantage of this, and I hope that this new year is filled with many opportunities to be human, to breathe in the fresh air, to take in the beautiful sights, to enjoy every minute of life and not let it pass by without a thought.

I would like to thank all of my friends and family for being who they are.  I know that I am far from being the most attentive or the most kind or the most caring or even a good person.  I apologize and thank you for dealing with me, for putting up with who I am.  I hope that I will do better.  I hope this means something.

It’s incredibly different for many different reasons.  The environment and the vibe here is so unlike what I have experienced back home.  I think it has a little to do with the regional separation, but mostly because of the type of atmosphere I am surrounded by.  Back home, I definitely felt more…comfortable.  Yes, that might have been due to the fact that I had been attending the same school for most of my life, but I think it also due in a large part to the socially conservative environment there.  Everything was so safe, so controlled.  Of course I’d be lying if I said that it was a perfectly blameless place, but it was definitely quite “perfect” in comparison.  I am not saying this out of pride or spite, but merely out of factual discourse.  I actually loved where I was before.  I enjoyed the guarantee that no matter who you met, the people there would be at least somewhat similar in beliefs and ethical values.  I loved that the “default norm” was Christianity.  However, at the same time, I realize that that was the problem.  I grew too comfortable.  When I enrolled, I knew that it would be vastly different, and that’s fine.  In fact, I welcomed it, because I believed that this would be a way to get out of my comfort zone and strengthen my faith.  It’s just that sometimes it’s hard (and I know it’s supposed to be).  Now philosophies, such as atheism and post-modernism, are the norms, and Christianity is the minority.  It’s tough, especially when all the professors denounce and try to humiliate the values and beliefs I was raised with, but fortunately I was blessed to be able to find a few places to drop an anchor.  I’m still trying to find the right campus ministry to join, but I’ve met a bunch of great people in the process so far.

My family visited me last weekend, which was a blessing.  The college had a Parents’ Weekend with different programs and lectures, but my parents decided not to waste the time or the money on it.  We just spent time together, catching up and just talking about various subjects.  Seeing them for a couple days was one of the best things that has happened here so far.  The hard part is that seeing them again made me miss them even more when they left.  I know it might seem overly sentimental when I say this, but I truly do miss my family, as well as everyone else back at home.  In fact, the more time I spend here in this new environment, the more I miss everything about home.  This is not to say that I do not enjoy my time spent here, but merely that I realize how different it is here and how comfortable my home had become.  I know that some people might shun hanging on so tightly to my home and to the past, stating that I “must learn to let go.”  While I agree that this is the time in my life to become more independent and responsible, this does not mean that I cannot miss my home.  Not at all.  I believe that it is always important to remember to keep those you love close to you, regardless of how old you are.

I was fortunate enough to have my high school marching band travel down here for a competition this weekend.  It was so weird watching them perform without actually participating, but I am so happy to have had the opportunity to hang out with my friends from back home.  We had so much fun, especially going to a mall, talking, and catching up.  For a day, I forgot that I had left and went to college, and once more I felt as if I belonged, as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I almost expected to hop on the bus with them and ride back home, but then I realized that my place is not there anymore, despite always being welcome there.  It was with sorrow that I said farewell to everyone, but I know that I will see them soon when I return home for vacation, and I am looking forward to it.

This past week or so has been stressful having to worry about finishing a large load of homework, especially to get ready for the weekends.  However, the weekends with my family and friends made it all worth it.  Amidst the toil and hardship, I found a short, but priceless period of joy that I will treasure forever.  I believe it is those bits of sunshine that make life wonderful.

Anyway…

Last night, the latter roommate (let me designate as Roommate Number Two) brought in a girl who was drunk, saying that she needed to recover for a while.  This was around one-thirty or two o’clock in the morning.  The roommate whom I have know for a long time (let me designate as Roommate Number One) later told me that she had bumped into the furniture several times.  After about a minute of struggling with myself, I finally mustered the courage to tell Roommate Number Two that I did mind the fact that he invited the girl.  He complied, woke the girl up (she had been resting in his bed), and took her somewhere else.  I hope that he just walked her back and nothing more.  I give him the benefit of the doubt.  I apologized and told him that I just could not deal with a visitor.  He seemed to understand and said that it was fine.

While Roommate Number Two was taking the girl home, Roommate Number One and I had a deep discussion about what had happened.  We also brought up how we felt about the experience of a new environment here in college.  I told him about how empty I feel at UCLA.  We also talked about the tension that had been developing between us.  We concluded that if we believe in something, we need to take a stand for it before Roommate Number Two, or anyone else for that matter, began to think that we are okay with it.  We also decided that we need to find good people to bond with and to confide in, and we talked about how we still need to comfort and help friends back home and at other schools who are having trouble.  Lastly, I think we nurtured our respect and understanding for each other through talking about our disagreements and issues.  It was encouraging to discover that there is still someone who feels the same way about things, even though he might not be as willing to verbalize it.

I am glad that we explored a church today.  The praise and worship music was very good, and I enjoyed the fact that after the sermon, we broke up into smaller discussion groups in which we were able to meet and talk with people.  Lunch was also provided, which was very good.  The afternoon was spent reading a book for my ENG 85: American Novel class (Clotel), catching up with the television series Heroes, and talking with friends and family.  We were also able to make the room a bit cooler (partly due to the cooler weather).  I discovered how nice the lounge on our floor is, especially with the sun setting in the evening.  It is always so cold and gloomy in our room in the evening, since our window faces the east.  (At least it wakes us up in the morning.)  As I am writing this, I watch the sun set before my eyes.  I just love the warm, comforting glow of the setting sun.  It reminds me of home.

We also filled out our roommate contract, during which we discovered that Roommate Number Two did not, in fact, say the same things as Roommate One and me did on the rooming surveys when we were applying for housing.  However, Roommate Number Two seemed okay with our preferences, and he seems to respect our views and values.  He seems pretty adaptable, which is good of him.  I just hope that this is the way he truly feels, and that we are not forcing him into a corner.

I guess part of it is just the approaching dawn that college brings.  Maybe I’m just scared of how different college is gonna be.   I’m afraid of maybe losing touch of people I know now.  There, I admit it.  Am I a loser for being scared?  Am I out of the ordinary?  Or are there more people, but they perhaps they are all under the impression that we all must put up a front so that we seem so happy and excited to get away and start a new life?  I don’t know.  It’s just crazy everytime I think about it, but everytime I do, it’s just seems so awesome (in a literal sense of the word), so novel, even so frightening to imagine where I might be next year.  I just hope and pray that my life will stay on track.

But it’s not just college, but everything in general.  It is as if the world is spinning faster than I can keep up with.  One of my fears is I’m not running fast enough to keep up with everything.  I don’t really know what to say, but it’s just one of those feelings like the worlds spinning so fast and I’m just caught doing whatever I’m doing, and it just feels like what I’m doing doesn’t mean anything and that I should be doing something else, something bigger, something more significant.

I just feel like I need to know what I’m doing in life.  A friend once said, “I wish God would just yell at me and tell me my purpose in life.”  I feel the same way.  It sounds a bit weird I guess.

I talked to another friend about some of these things, and she made me realize something quite important.  Most people don’t do things that are very apparently life changing, but they do little things that impact other people in ways they can’t even imagine.  I realized that the world is constantly changing; perhaps I will even feel like I’m being dragged along.  I just need to resist conformity, to slow down.  People who go through life with the fastest pace oftentimes miss out on the most valuable things.  The best thing is to slow down, take a breather, and enjoy life, as it can be so beautiful yet so short at the same time.  Isn’t it funny how the best things in life are always the rarest things?  (A bit of supply and demand economics for ya.)

Life changes like the seasons.  It’s no fun without a little change and something new I suppose.  As I said in a previous post, sometimes the best way to go through life is to “go with the flow.”  Don’t worry about tomorrow when you can live out today, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  God will never send anything that you cannot handle.

I just hope I do not lose my friends.  Hopefully, our friendships are strong enough that we never lose touch with one another.  The best friends will do anything to help one another, no matter how hard it is or how far apart they are.  I hope that will be how we are in the future and that I am a friend like that.  I hope I am a good enough friend that others trust me to that extent.  Most of all, I hope we all, as a whole, never lose sight of where we are and what we do.

A few days ago, we receive a letter from this FasTrak company that we did not pay the toll and did not have a FasTrak device.  It turned out that we were in a FasTrak lane.  Now if you do not know what FasTrak is, it is basically a program for commuters in which you pay beforehand for a device so that you can pass through the toll gate without being required to stop and pay the toll each time you commute.  I suppose that because we did not have this device, we received this violation notification.

Now, that’s fine, but why in the world was there an attendant taking tolls for that lane we were in?  We saw a car in front stop at the same gate and pay the toll.  After some research, we discovered that the lane we were in was a Cash/FasTrak lane.  We were not even in violation because of that.  We paid the $6.00 toll, yet we are still being fined $25.00 in addition to another bill of $6.00.  Why are we in violation of not having a FasTrak device AND not paying $6.00?

I do not know if this is a mistake or if this is just another scheme of the bridge authorities to gain some money from innocent citizens.   The problem is that we have no solid evidence that we paid the toll.  We paid in cash, and we did not get a receipt.  (Who gets a receipt for a toll?)  If we respond that it was a mistake, they might file a lawsuit in which we have little chances of winning, but if we do nothing, we lose $31.00.  Are they really that desperate?

A Conclusion of a Chapter in Life

Wow, is it not amazing where we are right now? It seems like only yesterday we were only meeting one another and getting to know this school. Yet here we are, during one of the last days we will ever spend on this campus. I find it hard to realize that from this point onwards, our lives will never be the same. The lifestyle we have been living for our whole lives thus far will cease to exist. Once we take a step past this point, there few opportunities to turn back. And with each step I take, I feel that my footsteps carry a burden of increasing gravity. It seems as each subsequent decision means more and has a more permanent effect as I make it.

College in particular has frightened me as I realized that my decision regarding the next few years of my education can determine the course of my entire life. Countless nights, I have kept myself awake fretting about the different paths I could take and the possibilities of each, and even when I perceived my future to be clear and believed with all my heart that it was my purpose to run and open one special door, the one that was sure to be mine, I ran into a concrete wall.

As I picked myself up, still seeing stars and a possible future, I wondered why I had not succeeded. I thought it was my fate to walk down that path, to reach accomplishment in that manner. I became cynical, angry. It is funny, how sometimes we say we love and trust the Lord with our lives when they are good, yet become infuriated when they become laborious or dissatisfactory in our own eyes. If there is something I hate, it is hypocrisy, and at that point, I knew that I had no reason whatsoever to be throwing my selfishness at God and declaring Him to be the source of my failure.

One thing I have learned is that my life is not my own. I did not bring it into existence, and I am in no way deserving of another breath. It is by the Lord’s power and grace that I am able to think how am able to think, hope what I hope, and dream what I dream. Yet through His love I, as a human being, am not obliged to do anything for Him. He has instilled a freedom, an ability to choose, in all of us. But as one who has faith in Him, it is my duty to live a life that is not only pleasing, but also glorifying to Him. Though my works can never make anything of my sin, I need to reflect my beliefs through how I live. The actions I do, the words I speak, the attitude I convey, they all must ultimately serve to give glory to God. And I believe that through faith, not only am I saved, but my life is provided for. Given this, I really have nothing to worry about. As a supplement to what I said earlier, we also must surrender our lives when they are as we desire them to be. Even when they are good, we cannot take possession of them. Whether times are bad or good, we must trust the Lord to guide us. I may seem naïve or perhaps even foolish, but my point is that there is no use complaining or worrying about strife. Sure, it would be rather imprudent if we were to do nothing, but if we do what we can, what else is there to do? Thus, I have learned to “go with the flow.” Whatever is the will of God will happen no matter what.

In my college decision process, though it was stressful, I had confidence that there must be a reason why I was in the position I was in. Jeremiah 29:11 states, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Many questions still arise in my mind as I wonder what could possibly come out of my future, yet I am assured that there is a plan for me, that my life is not meaningless.

It is amazing how much God has provided for me these past few years, and it is even crazy to realize how my life has unfolded. I cannot even begin to comprehend how the Lord has brought things together, knitting my story stitch by stitch. The places I have been, the people I have gotten to know, the opportunities I have gripped, I can only stand back awestruck and praise Him for all He has given and done. And I can be sure that He will continue to mold me in the years to come.

As you go off into the world to make something of your lives, I ask you a question: Why? What is the reason you pursue your goal, whatever it might be? Whether you you are a Christian, atheist, or of another religion, I wish to exhort you to do it for the right reasons. Why might you be pursuing a degree in a certain field of study? Why do you strive for artistic or athletic success? Is it to chase after a reputation, a name, or a label? Does a more impressive prefix make you a better person?
I urge you think about your future. Do not decide upon a career for the wealth or power it will bring, but for the experiences you will go through and the knowledge and wisdom you will gain.

One thing which I hold to a high standard is thinking critically. I believe that the ability to ponder and contemplate is one of the most valuable and powerful things a person can have. It is this ability that separates us from the rest of creation. Other creatures can rationalize, but we are able to speculate, reflect, and philosophize. I think we need to treasure this gift and not let it go to waste. Thus, in everything you do, I encourage you to think critically about your actions and your beliefs, no matter what they are. Learn the methods to come about a solution rather than the conclusion itself, the thought process rather than the end result. Knowledge can only be memorized and used once. Wisdom can be applied to different situations and used to solve many more problems. It is more important to know how to think than what to think.

I leave you with this: Do not be afraid of what is to come, for if you trust the Lord with your future, you might experience hardships (I will not lie, for most likely you will.), but ultimately your path will be made straight. What is there to worry about? As you walk up that path, strive to make the most of your time here on this earth, however long it might be. Use the talents you are blessed with to create something beautiful. Contribute something to the world. Leave a legacy for generations to come. I hope you live a blessed life.

And so ends a chapter in life. And so begins a new one.

Tomorrow, we are leaving again on a similar trip. Once more, we will fly to Asia, but this year, we will be visiting Cambodia instead of Thailand. Last time, our trip was an all-around tour, but this year, our focus is more on our ministry in Cambodia. It should be an interesting experience, as we will immerse ourselves in the rich Cambodian culture and history, and I am excited to visit sites such as Angkor Wat.

I truly hope this will be an enjoyable and memorable experience. Please pray for us and the people we will be visiting over there.

Mr. Dan Pritchett, the father of a band student, has created a Facebook group, which can be located here. I believe he will be updating it during the trip with posts and photographs.

First of all, it is my senior year in high school. The first semester has already ended so quickly and it seems like just yesterday that we were even beginning. My senior year has been full of so many emotions. With a bittersweet heart, I realize that his year is the last of the way I have lived from the beginning of my existence. Never again will I share the same experience. In retrospect, I realize how valuable my time has been in recent years. Reminiscent thoughts of days past keep me up at night and I remember all the experiences, both good and bad. I have made so many new friends and have gotten to know old ones much better. I have learned so many new things and have adopted new ways of thinking. I just wish that I had more time. I feel like I have not quite had enough time to stop in my current state and take everything in. God has blessed me with so much and I just want to be able to appreciate more.

Anyway, things seem to be coming to a close. The movie The Wanderer which I have been working on with my friend, Justin, on is planned to be complete by Christmas. A release should be out soon. College applications, which I have been stressed over for the past sixth months seem to be running smoothly now that I have the teacher recommendations and general information complete.

And now the time has come to say merry Christmas! Another year has gone by and the birthday of our Lord and Savior knocks on our doors yet again! I would like to remind you all of the gravity of this season and what it means. This holiday is a landmark of our salvation. I would also like to compel you to value, above all the money, clothes, and other mundane gifts, the treasures of friends and family. Life is meaningless without the people in it.

I have some wonderful Christmas quotes for you:

“Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.” – Janice Maeditere
“The message of Christmas is that the visible material world is bound to the invisible spiritual world.” – Author Unknown
“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hills
“Open your presents at Christmastime but be thankful year round for the gifts you receive.” – Lorinda Ruth Lowen
“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.” – Roy L. Smith

As a parting word, I wish you a wonderful vacation and happy holidays once again. May God keep you safe on all your journeys.